Panicking
Someone going through a panic attack.
Draw a bath. It’ll make you feel better.
Why is it taking so long? It’s no quicker than usual.
Go walk out to the living room. Gosh it feels cold here.
You should check the bath. It’s probably overflowing.
It’s hardly full! How long has it been?
Just step into it. It’ll make you feel better.
Take off your clothes first. Don’t look in the mirror.
Is that your body? Is that what you look like?
Look away from the mirror. Touch the skin on your stomach.
I can’t feel it. Wait, there it is; there’s my touch.
God, I’m too high. Doesn’t say “too;” that’ll make you panic.
I’m not going to panic. Step into the tub remember?
Right, step into the tub. How is the water only to my ankles?
It feels hot; is it too hot?
I can’t feel it; maybe it’s not hot enough.
No, don’t you’ll burn yourself. I can’t feel it.
Is the tub even filling up? Why is it taking so long?
Check the temperature with your hand; see if it’s too hot.
Look at your hand. Look how the water is falling over it.
Can you even feel it? Is this even your hand?
You are two inches smaller than your body. Is this your body?
Are you inside a shell? Are you trapped inside this shell-body?
God, it’s hot. Just relax into the water.
I’m not leaning back. Lean back now.
God, it’s hot. God, my heart is pounding.
Don’t lean back. You’ll die if you lean back.
No, that’s what you do in a bathtub. You lean back.
Don’t lean back. Don’t lean back.
No, I’m going to lean back. That’s what you do.
Don’t lean back. If your back touches, you’ll die.
How long have you been looking at the faucet?
Get up or you’ll die. Stand up.
God, my heart is pounding. How is the water only to my ankles?
